Dreams that shatter illusions

Reflection...

Dreams that shatter illusions…                    

I am not very certain if it was a dream or a sub-conscious thought, because I am not very sure that I was actually sleeping or awake or in trance. I saw myself crying, I was with his friend. His friend telling me, why are you crying, he is getting married to someone else and it was certain to happen. I don’t remember that he ever promised you marriage, and, remember when you asked him if he will marry you; he said he needs to think about it. After that did he ever tell you that he is planning to marry you….or he looks at the relationship that way??

I, suddenly, stop crying. It made me wonder how reasonable and correct every word that his friend said was. I seemed to be in a logical fallacy. I woke up and had a sleepless night for a company, with, all those instances where I thought he mentioned marriage, but, a review made me realize that it was merely the need of the moment that the reference should be made and his friend was right that he never explicitly mentioned marriage.

Clarity is the most important virtue for me. Whatever his friend said in the dream gave me clarity, it was also an omen. He is going to get married in the future, to someone else, and he would not be wrong in doing that because all he has admitted of is his love towards me. Like most of the things, he has his own definition of love. Love to him is the feeling that ‘I like your company, that I like to talk to you…I can be myself with you’. It is like that between us.

I have started giving a social form to our relationship, and hence was assuming marriage as the logical conclusion, which I do not know is fair or not. I need to think over that too. We have always shared a beautiful relationship…the scope of which is beyond words, and, no one else than both of us in this whole wide world can understand or even think of what we share. The difference that has crept in is that, first our relationship was like a virgin beach…no defined boundaries…no burden of definitions, everything was allowed. Everything is still allowed, but more than allowed it is now expected. No one is to be put at blame for this.

He is and was always important for me, but, now I have started seeing a future with him, a life with him. A life where he is the husband and I am the wife, we have children and do all that a husband-wife are supposed to do together. That is causing all the tension inside me and outside. I can’t say if we would get married in the future, only time can tell that. In the present, this is the most desired relationship of my life. I love the way I am treated here. I love to be with him. I love to love him.

There is a difference between dreams and illusions, dreams leave you when you are awaken from sleep and illusions follow you in dreams too. Needless to say, the latter is more dangerous form of the former.